


Defaced Destinies

by tinylittlebrain



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Ben was kidnapped as a boy, Enforcer Kylo Ren, F/M, Rey is Snoke's wife, Reylo - Freeform, Smut, Smuthut, a bit of a fluffy ending, for purely political purposes, good as new..., obviously (it's me), see?, stick 'em together with tape though, the Force works how I say it works, whoops I totally broke them again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-21
Updated: 2017-05-29
Packaged: 2018-11-02 22:33:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10954098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinylittlebrain/pseuds/tinylittlebrain
Summary: Kylo Ren is the loyal enforcer of Senator Snoke, the would-be usurper of Supreme Chancellor of the New Republic, Leia Organa.But after a mission to Jakku, that loyalty is tested, and found wanting.---tumblr: tinylittlebrain.tumblr.com





	1. Only a Mother.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Perry_Downing](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Perry_Downing/gifts).



> Hi guys,
> 
> This AU has been knocking around my head for a little while, and I had to get it out, mainly because I have a pathological need for angst.
> 
> For [Perry_Downing](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Perry_Downing/pseuds/Perry_Downing) who has written some lovely and helpful comments to me, but has also intrigued me with the characterisation and psychology of Kylo Ren in her fic [Thwarted](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6831736/chapters/15593596). 
> 
> I often feel like this ship suffers a little in fics from over-use of the #instalove trope, but she takes that obsessive, needy, desperate attraction and dissects it both masterfully and carefully into its constituent parts, both the beautiful and ugly, which makes for a compelling reading experience.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy.
> 
> \- tiny

_He almost looks like Ben tonight._

Supreme Chancellor Leia found herself musing in a rare moment of weakness as she allowed her gaze to drift to her son. Or the man that _used_ to be her son, she supposed.

_He’s a stranger now._

Even so, her heart ached. Kylo Ren looked his usual blend of haughty and intimidating, face set in a perpetual scowl, framed by a mane of dark hair. And yet… there was something oddly wistful about his gaze, something strangely soft.

She followed it.

_Ugh._

Snoke. Of course. That sycophantic gaze was directed at the newly self-titled ‘Supreme Leader’, that ancient would-be usurper-come-senator whose throne sat upon the corpses of the disenfranchised masses. Leia’s face remained expressionless as her insides squirmed. Was it truly possible to warp someone’s mind to that extent, that he could gaze upon this demon with a look akin to wonder? This… _thing?_ How could he look at the Munn like… like _that_? Was he really so brainwashed that–

Snoke moved. Kylo Ren’s gaze did not.

Oh.

_Oh._

Behind the aging senator’s shuffling form, was a truth that almost slapped the Supreme Chancellor in the face.

_Rey._

The young and lonely scavenger ‘rescued’ and subsequently wed by that vile old creature, despite her attempts to intervene on the poor girl’s behalf. The same beautiful and imperious young woman now seemingly ensnaring the most feared enforcer in the galaxy. Yes, there was no mistaking that look in Ben’s eyes, even if it was one only a mother might identify.

_A mother or…_

Leia took in the young woman’s expression as her heart slightly fell. Rey’s previously animated face wore the same eerie mask of passivity she had observed ever since her marriage to the odious Muun. Indeed, she was no longer starving in Jakku but something new now ate at the woman and once again the Chancellor felt herself begin to drown in her now all too familiar guilt.

_No. Focus._

Yes. There was no going back. Only forward. This… _thing_ was good. It was information. It was power. A long and jagged crack between servant and master that would not be so easily smoothed over like so many times before. Kylo Ren was nothing if not tenacious, after all.

She could use this, if only she could figure out ho–

_Han!_

Leia felt instant alarm as she watched her husband sidle up to the girl before both began to chat amiably, presumably about the bloody Millennium Falcon. He’d been left alone for all of _two seconds_ and had somehow crossed the ballroom to chat to the only other person in the room who’d have any interest in the damn thing.

_Not good._

She hastened to join them.

“Leia– er _Chancellor._ ” Rey gave an awkward bow at her approach.

Han smirked and gave his own mock bow. “Princess.”

“Han.” She spoke through her teeth as she shot her husband a withering look, before turning to the young woman. “Bowing is unnecessary.”

“ _Indeed_.”

The hair on her neck stood up. Her son. Kylo Ren.

“Ben.” She spoke.

“Do not address me by that name!” He hissed. “And cease harassing the Supreme Leader’s wife. I assure you she has no interest in whatever petty plan you have in min–”

“–They’re not harassing me.” Rey words tumbled over her tongue. “We’re just talking about the–”

“That’s irrelevant.” He turned to Han. “ _Leave._ ”

Rey’s ears pinked with humiliation, and the Chancellor observed her firsts curl before she spoke once more.

“No. _Stay_.” The girl took a deep breath, voice deceptively calm. “I would like to discuss the Falcon with Han and Leia. Contrary to popular opinion, I do not need a _minder_.”

A minder, was it? Someone trusted to keep an eye on the girl, ensure she did not say or do anything to undermine Snoke? She almost laughed at the Leader’s mistake, for it was one only a Muun could make – pushing together a conflicted boy and a lonely girl was an exercise in supreme arrogance indeed, whether or not he intended the consequences. Leia suspected he didn’t.

She was dragged back to the moment however as her son’s eyes flashed.

“You _do_ need a minder, clearly, or you would not resort to petty outbursts in front of the Chancellor and her husband.”

_The Chancellor and her husband._

It smarted, even as Leia awaited the young woman’s rejoinder with baited breath. Kylo Ren did not ordinarily suffer insubordination. It seemed Rey was an exception.

“Of course, how could I forget? _You_ have the monopoly on petty outbursts.” The little scavenger titled her head to the side and gave a sarcastic smile. “My apologies, _Lord Ren_.”

Leia’s mouth fell open as Han flashed her a look that was somehow both highly amused and utterly terrified of what was to follow.

_~You need to leave.~_

It was a short, sharp thought, the first in over a decade. Her son’s voice in her head.

~ _So you can terrorise Rey? I’m not scare–~_

 _~–You need to leave before Snoke returns.~_ A pause, as she felt the softest hint of resignation brush her thoughts. ~ _It… would not be– it’s dangerous. You need to go.~_

Her heart wrenched.

_~Ben…~_

_~LEAVE!~_

There was no mistaking _that_. With the brusquest of goodbyes Leia snatched her husband’s hand and led him quickly away from the scavenger, before blaster shots rang out.

_Assassins._

Aiming at _her._ Almost instantly a Jedi whisked her away, but not before the slightest brush on her thoughts.

 _~Do not mistake my intentions.~_ Warned Kylo Ren.

_~So you did want me dead?~_

A long paused followed, tinged with… was it guilt? Or was that just her mind, desperate to believe?

_~Not like that.~_

But there was not Force behind those words, no truth save for the one that leaked out of him like water in a cupped hand.

_Not in front of her._

She turned to Han. Needing to tell him, needing to untwist her heart and dissect every second of tonight until she had extracted every trace of Ben and constructed some kind of magic, implausible plan wherein somehow everything could go back to the way it was before. But it was not to be. Instead, she started at the most logical point.

“That girl _, Rey_ –”

But Han just grabbed her hand.

“I know.”


	2. Blood and Revelations.

Kylo Ren’s head seared.

Something or someone had managed to slash his face in the chaos, but up until now he had not noticed, preoccupied with escaping with Rey before the larger blasts caused a stampede. Now the blood dripped freely, coppery on his tongue.

“Your face…” Rey spoke.

“I KNOW!”

Kylo snapped as blood clouded his vision. They were in the safehouse now, but the plan had failed miserably. Because of _him_. Because he couldn’t countenance witnessing the death of his mother. Because Snoke was right – he was _weak._

He punched the wall.

Rey’s fear washed over him. She was frightened, shaking.

_Control yourself._

Yes, control. A feat that had eluded him all his life until… now. Until her. A slip of a girl from Jakku whose gaze _burnt_ him, whose words tore through him like a blade. Somehow, she stilled him. It was not that Kylo did not want her to fear him – in fact it was best if she did – but he didn’t want her to fear him for _that_. That he might strike her, kill her. That she should ever feel the need cower if he raised his hand.

The thought shamed him.

“Rey, I–”

“–I can feel it.” Her hand stroked her face, traced a searing line as her voice faltered. “Why do I feel it!?!” Rey made a motion to wipe the phantom blood from her cheek.

Panic coursed through him, as his mind clamped down on the connection. It was not for him to endanger her further, not now, not after…

He closed the bond.

“You _stopped_ it!” Rey accused.

“You’re delusional.”

“Don’t lie to me Kylo, don’t _lie_! I know you’re doing something, _tell m–_ ”

“– _Don’t touch me, Scavenger!_ ” He snarled, jerking violently at the hand she reached out to him.

Rey smirked then, an ugly twisted kind of smirk and he hated it even as he adored.

“ _You_ think _I’m_ disgusting.” She looked into the distance, into nothing. “A Scavenger.” Again, she paused. “You _chose_ to be what you are, Kylo Ren. I just chose not to starve, not to _die,_ ” She spat the words. “So don’t you _dare_ judge me.”

_Oh Rey._

These moments reassured him, in a cruel way. That his desire for her was not obvious on the outside even as it was painted in thick streaks across his soul. Rey honestly believed he did not wish to touch her because he found her origins somehow distasteful, her decisions reprehensible. As if to touch her was to lower himself. He almost wanted to scream at the notion, for he found her neither repulsive and there was no level, _none_ , that he would not debase himself to merely to be allowed to grace her flesh with his fingers. How badly he itched to touch her.

Instead he snorted. “Who do you think _found_ you in Jakku? Who am I to judge your choices? I’m the one who facilitated them.”

He’d begged for them even, but that was a moot point. For now he needed his words to hurt her, savage her and mangle this attraction, mangle any slim chance she could yet return his infatuation. It would be so much easier if he could just loathe her in peace.

But Rey _broke_.

“ _WHY_?” She sounded furious.

“You know _why_ , you agreed to why.”

_You had no choice but to agree._

“It was you in the mask… in Jakku…” She drifted off, shocked.

_Hate me._

When she continued, the tone of her voice was at once both cold and feverish.

“You know, it’s so funny.” Rey gulped, voice quivering. “When they brought me into that room, the first time… I thought, I thought it was _you._ That I was going to have to marry _you._ ” She took a shaking breath. “And… and when I realised it was Snoke I was so… _disappointed_ when they told me because I didn’t want to marry a monster.”

She looked so young, so innocent for a mere moment before the bitterness returned tenfold.

“But now I know it wouldn’t have mattered!” She spat, voice mockingly incredulous. “It wouldn’t have _fucking_ mattered!”

_You’re a monster._

She was somehow even more stunning like this, fury rolling off her in great roiling waves and Kylo would have goaded her more was he not himself stunned by her own revelation.

_I thought it was you._

The moment she had spoken of was etched into his mind, _carved_ in, and examining it now, knowing what the slight widening of her eyes meant, that nuanced glance? For a second a different future unfolded before his eyes, and it rent him, tore him asunder.

_She felt it too._

But Rey looked almost catatonic now, glancing into the distance as she spoke.

“I wish I was back there. I wish you had never taken me… I’d prefer to _die_ in the desert than rot in this cage.”

“Then perhaps you truly are a Kenobi.”

**_SLAP_ **

Kylo fell to the ground, dazed for a second as he gazed up at a furious Rey while she struck him again.

“FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU KYLO REN! I _HATE_ YOU!”

Another slap.

“I HATE YOU!”

More blows.

_She wants to kill me._

He’d let her he decided. He’d let her just to rid himself of this want. This… _need._ This–

“I hate…” Her voice broke.

Rey’s hand stilled, her face inches from his, a single tear tracking down her cheek. Blood dripped from his lip. He licked it.

“I’m sorry. I–” She looked horrified.

Rey backed away, her fear leaking into him. She was frightened of herself, of _him._ She expected him to lash out like she’d seen him do to countless others. She feared he’d _kill_ her.

_If only._

“Are you quite finished?” Kylo righted himself, wiping his face, tone businesslike. “You should bathe… you’re covered in blood.”

For a second she just stared at him, mouth agape. Then she spoke.

“I don’t understand you, Kylo Ren.” She whispered.

“You think _I_ understand?” Kylo yelled, now his turn to snap.

He was angry, so angry to be aroused even by her violence as his face tingled with the evidence of her touch. For a mad instant he _wanted_ her to look down and see how hard she made him, see how his cock strained against the dark material, keening for her cunt. He could almost taste her sweetness on his tongue, just like in his dreams, worshiping at the glistening apex of her thighs.

When he talked, it was to dispel these images, as much as to explain himself, falling over his words as he babbled with an almost religious fervour.

“I have tried everything, _everything_ to rid myself of you scavenger, but I can’t breathe without smelling you, can’t close my eyes without seeing you, can’t–” His voice caught.

Rey’s expression was bewildered and this, shocked, as the truth or part of it began to dawn on her. But it didn’t matter anymore. Nothing had mattered ever since Jakku.

“No. Y–you, you’re _Kylo Ren._ You _hate_ me.” Her voice quavered.

“Release me. Whatever this is.” His voice was soft, begging. “Please, Rey… release me.”

 _“_ I… I don’t know what it is you want from me!” She pleaded.

_I want you. I need you._

“Everything Rey. I want _everything_.”


	3. Don't Move.

Rey could feel Kylo’s eyes boring into the back of her skull as they observed Snoke’s speech.

They had not spoken since…

_I want everything._

Since that night.

It had been months upon months of silence and tension and she wouldn’t be the one to break it, because then she truly would be pathetic, pleading for affection from a man who had absolutely no qualms plucking her from Jakku and handing her to the most loathsome creature in the galaxy. A man who was moved to violence in an instant, who had had everything she’d ever wanted and had not only thrown it away but spat on it too.

_And yet…_

She felt it too. Unbidden, _unwanted_ , a strange tenderness between them, a strange peace. Like two wrecks perfectly collided, platforms and corridors enmeshed as if they were designed that way and not rotting in the desert. Like both of them were so thirsty they had begun to eat the sand thinking it was water.

But at least _she_ had an excuse. She had _never_ known love, didn’t know any better. _He_ on the other hand…

_Had worse._

Images flashing in her head. Terrible images that emerged from her dreams. An echo of a scream, _his_ scream. A boy _taken_ , never the same again.

It was the truth, she knew that now, though she didn’t know _how_ she knew. Just as she knew that boy would not have handed her to Snoke, would have preferred death. As a man, his body would have been pristine and unscarred, his expression open and easy as he joked and teased her light-heartedly.

But that man did not exist.

_Ben Solo. Kylo Ren._

The speech was over, and as the Muun gave what was perhaps intended to be a beatific smile but reminded Rey of her childhood nightmares, and she once again breathed a sigh of relief that this marriage was not for _that_. Though again, whatever it was for still largely escaped her. She knew from overheard whispers it was too secure her from the Skywalkers, but again not why. Perhaps it was not even that – perhaps it was a simple as she was a Kenobi, and Snoke needed that form of popular legitimacy.

She supposed it mattered very little.

_This is my life. I need to come to terms with it._

Rey strode to her chambers afterwards, knowing her bodyguard would shortly be in tow when she emerged to visit the hangar, her only refuge. When she did emerge however he stumbled in step behind her. Blood dripped to the floor.

Kylo Ren looked pale, about to faint.

“Rey…”

He nearly _did_ faint, leaning on her heavily as Rey scrambled back the way she came, pushed him onto the crisp linens that adorned her bed. Her mind was almost meditatively empty as she clinically stripped his upper tunic, following the scent of blood.

Rey gasped.

His ribs were raw, flayed open.

_Why–?_

“–Punishment.” He slurred, half delirious, before snorting. “Or maybe a reward… I can’t even remember anymore.”

_Your ‘Order’ is eating itself._

Rey recalled some wisdom, until now long forgotten, from within the recesses of her mind.

_The bonds of violence bind quickly, but unravel just as fast._

_~You are too smart by far, my scavenger.~_

She jumped. Violently. The same slurred voice, _his_ voice, in her head this time. It felt… strange. _Good_. Like some part of her had been craving this and now _basked_ in the connection. Her fingers tingled over his chest.

“Kylo…?”

The wound was closing, under her hands. The wound was _closing_. Rey ripped her hand away, mouth agape.

 “Too smart by far.” Kylo gaze was wolfish.

_The Force?_

It wasn’t what she imagined, darting in between them like a current, completing the circuit. The pieces fell into place.

“You were sent to kill me.”

“Force users are a threat.” He whispered. “So I destroy them.”

_I’m a Force user._

The images flooded into her like the dreams, only it was a deluge. He had hunted her, felt her from systems away, as was his role. Yet he hadn’t understood why he had hesitated, why he had knocked out the scrappy girl and taken her prisoner rather than slaughtered her, as was his directive.  Even aboard, watching her sleep, he still didn’t understand.

Her family name was his saviour. His reason. He could kneel before the Supreme Leader and tout her as an addition to the collection while he figured out why a slip of a girl from Jakku should stay his hand. Should _weaken_ him. He observed her, and that was the undoing. Too late he had realised the simple truth– mercy, it was just mercy. He had killed rogues and defectors and Jedi alike, but he had been matched then, fighting for life.

Yet even after it all, Ben Solo could not kill a defenceless girl.

Rey lurched back as though she had been shoved. Gaping at him. Kylo Ren was propped up with the back of his elbows on the bed, a mixture of awe and anguish on his face. Rey herself was torn between horror and pity. Kylo Ren churned inside, a half-life of half-remembered things. Unable to recognise simple sentiments within himself like affection, mercy or _doubt_. _She_ had been his conduit to it, she had pushed him over the cliff and now he was in freefall.

Rey opened her mouth. Then closed it. Her fingers _burned_.

“Is it always like this?”

The Force, she meant. He understood.

“Never.” Kylo’s tone was reverent.

~ _Never.~_

His eyes were so dark and deep and _wanting_ and she knew that look was _hers_. Hers and no one else’s, and no matter where she ran in the galaxy no one would ever want her so much as this man did in this moment. It was a tenacity that she knew ought to cow her, but Jakku had not wired that in her. All she had _ever_ wanted was to belong to someone, to be somebody worthy of the love of another person, and not just another piece of scrap left behind.

Slowly, Rey moved towards him, caution of a loth-cat as she held his gaze.

“Don’t move.” She spoke.

_Don’t ruin this. Don’t move._

For the first time in her memories, Kylo Ren looked scared, and Rey feared both of them were too far gone, too damaged not to lash out when another person got too close. She was terrified too – wary that even after it all she might be still somehow be deluding herself, just like she had every day on Jakku.

_Who would want you?  They're never coming back._

Plutt’s words, echoing in her head. She’d laughed that off once, but since coming here she’d come to understand them as a mantra, embrace their pragmatism. Even so, she leaned closer, lips inches from his. It was a pathetic to still need to be wanted, she knew, but still it eased something within her when her lips brushed his. That he _did_ stay still, that this strange tension that always thrummed when she was around him began to ease and pulse.

“Don’t move.”

Rey’s tongue sought Kylo’s and gradually and deliberately his fingers trailed up her cheek to curl in her hair as the kiss deepened, long and languorous and she leaned in further, knees settling either side of his thighs. Through his clothes, she could feel his arousal as she moved purposefully over him, as small gasp issuing from him as he captured her bottom lip with his tongue, his other hand had making its way under her tunic, tracing her back.

She sighed into him then, crushed her lips to his neck like she had in those dreams that she’d wake from in tears, devastated that even her mind could not refrain from being cruel to her. But such thoughts were obliterated as she felt his breath over her neck, his tongue trailing down it before his teeth grazed her, ever so controlled. Kylo held her so close now, as if even this distance was no enough.

 _~This will never be enough.~_ His voiced echoed in her mind.

She hadn’t expected him to be able to be like this, _gentle._ She had expected him to selfishly devour her, satisfyingly yet uncaringly. She hadn’t expected him to obey her. Hadn’t expected it to feel so… sacred. Like the puerile fantasies she’d had as a virgin made real, almost like what it might be like to be…

_No._

Rey panicked.

No. This was _not_ what she wanted. This was… _worse_. Some savage torture, fooling her that somehow this could be real, that she should hope for love. Her chest seared.

_I can’t do this._

She could not survive being left again, being _fooled_ again.

_They're never coming back._

Rey fled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I do have the rest basically all written, but I need some input first/editing time.
> 
> As usual I'm a sucker for peer pressure so... let me know what you think so far.
> 
> \- tiny


	4. Safe Harbour.

The kid was in shock, Han’s was sure of it.

Snoke was dead, Kylo Ren gone and there she was, dropped in the middle of their kriffing garden like a droid in an escape pod.

“What happened?” Leia questioned a rousing Rey.

Of course his wife was already in interrogation mode, already sorting out a timeline, a response team, an inquiry and who knows what else, though it shortly became clear Rey knew nothing and whatever she _did_ know, well…

 _She ain’t coming to terms with any time soon_.

Soon enough, Leia accepted this too and he watched her offer the girl tea. Han knew then that Rey must have been _truly_ exhausted, because she gulped it down, and even a girl from _Jakku_ knew better than accept tea from a woman with the Princess’ reputation for drugging people. After that, she was shuffled off to bed, to _Ben’s_ room, even though they certainly had others. After that his wife returned, made a big show of clearing up the tea set even though she had never cleared the table in her entire life – unless you counted throwing everything to the floor in a fit of rage ‘cleaning’.

Which, as it happened, Han did.

_Who needs the Force when you have antique Alderaanian porcelain?_

Leia glared at him sharply then, her need to discuss and dissect and analyse overpowering her carefully constructed mask. After all these years, he’d was grateful to have earned _that_ distinction at least.

“Obviously, Ben left her here.” She stated.

_Ben._

Han nodded. Yes, Ben. Kylo Ren would _never_ have stepped foot here again. Leia kneaded her forehead.

“He did it. _He_ killed Snoke. I felt it. Our son…” She stopped.

_You felt it._

The Force. The fucking Force. Han could’ve done do without it. The whole fucking Skywalker family could’ve done without it, if he was perfectly honest, but that sentiment never did go down very well with Leia and it was not the night for it. Privately though, Han couldn’t help but notice that the trait that finally tore his son from that _thing’s_ grasp was not some mystical power but another power he respected a great deal more.

_Perhaps Luke should stockpile pretty young women instead of kyber crystals._

“Don’t be crude.” Leia snapped, because snapping was what she did when there was too much information and not enough time to process.

_And don’t go fishing around in my head! You know I hate that._

_~Sorry.~_

He looked at her then, properly looked at his wife. She must have been shaken if she was apologising.

“It’s over Leia.” Han spoke, trying to soothe her.

_We have our son back._

His eyes were wet.

Leia nodded, talking in favour of showing emotion, because stars forbid she ever showed such weakness.

“He must have threatened her somehow, maybe ordered her killed…” She pondered.

Yes, Han had surmised that much as well. Snoke had smashed almost every part of Ben, but clearly he hadn’t been quite thorough enough. He’d seen that at the ball, seen it in those rare glimpses of his son since then. His _son._ Not some expressionless monster flanking a decaying Muun.

The Princess was still piecing everything together. “She’ll need protection.” She paused. “She was his _wife_. The Senate will want blood.”

Han grabbed her hand.

_He trusted us._

“So we protect her.” He squeezed her hand in his.

_Better than we protected him._

But even so, the next few weeks were _hard._

Ben was long gone and Rey seemed to be under the downright disturbing impression that she needed to work for her keep, deeply mistrusting his wife’s uncharacteristically awkward attempts to bond with her. He could hardly blame her for that, although Han wondered whether it was truly Leia who made the young woman uncomfortable or simply the presence of a mother who so utterly resembled her son.

For Han's part, Rey was comfortable in _his_ presence, almost happy, mainly because they both shared a love of all things Millennium Falcon. And he had to admit, now that his kriffing joints ached every night, it was damn useful to have a deckhand able to crouch down for more than hour and rewire his baby like she’d grown up in it. They spoke about everything and nothing, except the one topic he was most curious about.

_Ben._

Rey avoided the topic almost religiously, but that in itself told Han everything he needed to know. The only reason not to mention him was if she hated him or loved him. He suspected it was a mixture of both. 

“Hey, whats thi-?”

Han was wrenched to the present as he heard Rey gasp. He ran.

When he turned the corner she was clutching Ben’s Tooka doll, a small keepsake he’d tucked behind a panel in the Falcon years ago after the kidnapping, a little reminder of the time when everything was OK. Rey’s eyes were distant as her knuckles whitened. She snapped out of it a second later, but Han had seen it before.

_A Force Vision._

“That was Ben’s.” He spoke. “Used to carry the thing around everywhere. Kids used to tease him for it.” Han added.

“I know.” The girl whispered.

Rey held the doll very closely.

“Kid–”

“–What was he like? Before…” She trailed off.

_Before that monster and his cult took him and brainwashed him?_

“Ben was a good kid. _Too_ good. Felt everything very deeply, took life too seriously. Like his mother.” Han shrugged.

Rey opened, her mouth. Then closed it. Han sighed.

“Look kid. Ask away. I won’t judge.” He paused. “And I certainly won’t hold you to anything. This isn’t the bullshit First Order. You’re family.”

Rey shook her head. “I’m not–”

Han cut her off “–Kid, _listen_ to what I’m telling you. You’re _family_. I don’t know what the deal was in the FO, but we just want whatever you want.” He paused. “Even if that’s not Ben.”

Rey nodded, her face slightly awed. Touched. It was easy to forget sometimes that life had been so rough on her. It was amazing she still could smile and laugh as freely as she did. She regarded the doll.

“Can I keep this?”

Han nodded. “Take whatever you want kid.”

Rey smiled, eyes darting around her acquisitively.

Han sighed.

_I’m going to regret saying that._


	5. Bonds.

“You’re never going to find peace here Ben.” Luke spoke.

“I–”

“–You’re looking for some way to punish yourself. This is not the place for that. I’m not Snoke.” Luke sighed. “Of course I like having you here, but the Jedi path is not yours… your peace is elsewhere. You know this.”

Kylo restrained himself from biting out that yes, obviously, his peace was elsewhere, that they both knew _exactly_ where, in favour of trekking the long journey back to his hut, ready to shore it up for yet another bitingly cold winter. Since Snoke his days were less painful, less agonising, but life had lost colour, food had lost taste. The only respite was his dreams, though even these were a false economy, and he’d wake cold and lonely, the need just that little bit sharper than the night before.

He thought about that day often in his isolation, the day Snoke ordered him to kneel before him as he gestured to his wife beside him. The day he’d ordered him to execute her, to prove his loyalty by annihilating the source of his recent distraction.

For Kylo there had been no choice, no _thought_ – he'd murdered Snoke instead.

But he hadn’t just done it for her, or not _just_ for her. He would have though, would have betrayed everything for Rey, so deeply had she burrowed into him, but as it happened he did not have to.

Now, in the desolate wastes Kylo realised he had been a true believer before then, had understood the sacrifices made in the name of utilitarianism, of Order. But killing Rey achieved nothing. She was no threat, no burden. The ideal of Order did not require her death, only Snoke, and he had found suddenly he could not believe in Snoke any longer. 

After all, Rey’s only true transgression had been that she had had the misfortune to cross his path, and he could not kill her for that. Not after all the other ways he had ruined her.

_My Rey, I’m so sorry._

In some dreams, both the worst and best ones, he replayed that day in Jakku and fantasised about saving her instead. He’d remove his mask, and she would approach him rather than run in fear. In those dreams _he_ gave himself to _her_ , rather than took her to Snoke, left her intact rather than smashed her to pieces.

In those dreams she loved him.

Kylo’s hand brushed his lips then, trying to dispel the images. Yet they tingled, still remembering that strange day when she’d healed him, kissed him. It was a memory that pained him now, hurt to remember that horrified look as she’d run out of the room, that realisation that she was kissing a monster. It was a fitting punishment, Kylo thought, to have tasted paradise and know that it will never be tasted again.

His hands sought the hut door.

_Rey._

His eyes were deceiving him. His senses were shot, sensing what was not there like he had so many times before.

“Rey?” His voice was hoarse from disuse.

There was a small trill of the Force, as she turned to him, lips parted. She almost looked almost as shocked as he.

“Why are you here?” He blurted.

_How are you here?_

Rey held a small toy. His Tooka doll.

“I needed to see you.” She paused. “I–”

But the purple thing dropped to the hut floor as his lips crashed upon hers hungrily, pinning her against the wall as her legs wrap around him, Force humming around them like a beautiful maelstrom as she gasped into his mouth. There would be no cautious affection tonight – it had been more than two years and Kylo was _starving_ , hands shaking with anticipation as he fumbled with her clothing, trying to maintain some semblance of control for her sake.

**_Rip._ **

Rey had no such scruples.

Force rippled briefly through him as his tunic fell to the floor. For a second, he stared at it, stunned.

“ _Ben_.”

Rey’s frustration, the sound of that name on her lips…

**_Rip._ **

His laughable attempt at control faltered, hands pulling off everything and almost instantaneously she was bare before him, more beautiful than he’d ever imagined and Kylo found himself suddenly _weak_ before her, so weak. He didn’t want her against the wall now, and was easier to just scoop her up and place her in the cot, though that too was nowhere near good enough for–

“It will do!” Rey gritted out, half out loud, half in his head.

He was on her then, all _over_ her as she deftly manoeuvred her feet to push down his pants and arch up into him and he’d never been so hard in his fucking _life_ , hands grasping at her breasts while he feasted on her mouth, his cock brushing against the wetness of her thighs as Rey whimpered and writhed, attempting to sheath him herself as he pinned her.

“Ben…”

She spoke warningly, as if _she_ was in control. Kylo smirked.

_Patience, my love._

He could sense that a part of her still thought she could somehow sate this want just with one carnal act, as if somehow this battle could yet be won. In reality it had been lost since that day she kissed him, and lost by him far earlier, but nonetheless he would… _correct_ her. Most enthusiastically. His hand dove down her form then, and briefly he caressed her clit before slipping a finger inside her, as Rey made a delicious hissing sound in his ear.

“So wet.” He murmured, sliding another finger in.

Rey moaned, and it was the most enthralling sound in the galaxy as Kylo continued his work, reverently fascinated by the minutiae of her naked ecstasy.

She was already so close, so worked up, and though the selfish side of him wanted to see her come for the first time on his cock, feel her spasm around him as he fucked her gently through it, he simply could not deny her any longer. He felt her desperate need and she was so beautiful like this that Ben gave in instantly, thumb circling the sensitive spot until he felt her flutter around his fingers, gasping.

“Ben, I’m…”

“Come for me.” His voice had never been so low.

And she did, body tensing and face screwed up in ecstasy, and he _felt_ it through her Force too, nearly _undoing_ him as he clamoured up her to capture her mouth once more while she bucked against his cock again, her intent clear. This time, they were in agreement.

“Óh, _Rey_.”

He slid inside her as she was still coming down from the last high and her breath caught as he eased in to rest inside her, stunned for a second at the sheer exquisiteness of her warm cunt. When he moved again it was not slow, not controlled, and he heard himself talking to her, words wild and unguarded as he tried to get out years of emotion that he didn’t yet understand himself. Tried to make her understand that _this_ was everything, that this was the most beautiful and terrifying moment of his life, and he didn’t deserve it, not a second.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, Rey, I’m so _sorry_.”

Ben’s face was wet.

_I love you._

She kissed him, mouth silencing him as she arched against him and it was pathetic, _pathetic_ that she was comforting _him_ now, widening their connection so that _her_ emotions, _her_ longing ran through him as the sonorous sounds of fleshy slapping echo around them.

_No._

Ben broke the kiss. He’d stolen this, she was ill-gotten gains and he no better than his former master, a disgusting, twisted–

“–Ben.” Rey spoke sharply.

She moved then, used the Force only slightly in a deft manoeuvre as he drowned in himself and soon she was seated atop him, light filtering over her slight curves as he was suddenly mesmerised anew by her undulating flesh above him. His hands gripped her hips, but Rey reached for them to place them behind his head.

“Don’t move.”

But he does, pushes further into her and snarls, almost, as her Forces slams him back.

“Ben.”

Rey sighs a she begins to move again, pace slow as she watches him through dilated eyes.

“ _Ben_.” She moans.

The name sounded so wrong and so right on her lips and he realised she was challenging him, forcing him to watch her take her pleasure so he couldn’t bathe in his self-loathing, couldn’t delude himself that somehow, she didn’t want him, all of him. He gave himself to the sensation at that point, to the raw beauty of her lithe form using his body as sweat glistened between her breasts, the savage possessiveness of watching his cock slide in and out of her.

His balls tightened.

“ _Ben_.”

Kylo was panting now, his tongue sliding over her nipple as she leaned over, trembling and breathless. She was very close, he could feel it physically and in her Force, her body wilting as she too gave herself into the sensation. He began to move, to fuck her with abandon, so hard and fast that the world dissolved around her and Rey doesn’t seem to mind that he’d broken her no moving rule.

“Ben, Ben, _Ben_ –” She could barely speak.

“What do you want Rey?” He was surprised he could even attempt to draw this out, fingers making small circles around her clit as they both trembled together.

“Oh, Ben, oh– _fuck_!”

Rey’s was coming on his cock and that alone was too much and he came too, jetting hot spurts of come deep inside her wondrous cunt as she laid her full weight against him, her hair sticking to the sweat on his neck.

“Everything.”

She murmured, answering his earlier question.

“I want _everything_.”


	6. Parabola.

“Don’t leave tonight.”

Ben’s lips brushed against her ear as he thrusted inside her.

“ _Don’t_.”

Rey arched her back, on all fours, ass in the air as she heard the slap of his thighs against her while he grunted, hand resting on the nape of her neck.

“ _Stay_.”

His hand curled into her hair and pulled a little. Being here was getting to him, more Kylo Ren than Ben today, but Rey was into it right now, not inclined to talk him down but to work him up.

“Why should I?” She gasped out. “ _Make me_.”

He pulled harder then, pumped harder as his other hand slapped her ass then squeezed, digging his fingernails into little crescents on her skin as she climbed higher, so high so…

_So close._

Kylo stopped.

Rey whined in frustration as he slowed the pace to a crawl, languidly gliding in and out of her as he let out a low chuckle and Rey was _angry_ , trying to buck back as he held her in place, pace continuing at his leisure.

“I should keep you like this for the whole night.” Ben mused, voice dipping lower. “Or I could make you come, right now.” He purred.

His hand glided over her stomach as he returned his attention to her clit again, and Rey’s vision once again begins to whiten.

“And again, and again... _if_ you stay.” His fingernails ran along her back.

He was so… possessive lately. She thought he’d ease off, but if anything, he’d gotten _more_ intense, needier, ever since…

“Ben, I–”

“–Not that name.” His voice is low.

No. A thrill of excitement.

“ _Kylo_.”

“Ngh–” He spasmed a little before speeding up the pace.

 Rey started to catch on, regaining control by ceding it. He needed her pliant right now, wanted that reassurance.

“Please, _please_ Kylo.” She begged. “I need it.”

“Need what Rey? Tell me.”

“Need your– _ungh_ your cock.” She gasped.

“Yes, you do.”

Another slap on her ass as Rey moaned loudly. He was so _big_ , stretching her to her limit and yet still she wanted _more._ Never had enough of him.

“Such a perfect cunt.” He grunts out. “So–ungh… _fuck!_ ”

Kylo’s hand on her ass tightened, as he gasped as she came around him, walls fluttering as ecstasy flowed through her, her orgasm sneaking up on both of them as she felt him slip out of her to stroke himself a few times until jets of his hot seed hit her back, such was the measure of his possessive desire today. Rey simply sighed into her pillow, letting his words wash over her.

_~You’re amazing. I love you. I love you. I love you.~_

“I love you too.”

Rey ignored the waves of shame and self-loathing that rolled off him whenever she uttered that truth. She did love him. He was hers to love, regardless of whether he thought she should or not. And anyway, she had a ball to get ready for.

“Don’t go.” Ben pleaded again. “Stay and let me take care of you.”

She shook her head. “You know I have to.”

_One of us has to._

Of course, later she _did_ wish she’d taken him up on his offer and stayed with him, but Rey was conscious that as a senator, particularly a naturalised one, she had expectations to meet, and this event was a part of that. After all, Rey Kenobi was many things, but she was never going to rely on the fortunes of others again - family or no. Even if it was _Ben’s_ family (her family, really), even if she never had to actually exercise that freedom. She needed it, for herself.

_You can never have too many portions._

But there was something else too.

Ben was not a well man. He was well enough for her, stable enough that she need not fear. He was sweet and gentle and caring and she trusted him with her life, even as he could not trust himself. But even so, he _suffered_. He screamed in his sleep, or sometimes couldn’t sleep for days on end, guilt gnawing at him. He shrunk away in public like an injured animal, and it ate at him when he was in unfamiliar surroundings for too long. He could not work, even if someone wanted him to, and there was no way she would _ever_ allow him to feel that pressure.

He was _hers_ , and Rey protected her own.

_Ben…_

“So why _are_ you with him?” Poe slurred.

Rey jumped out of her brief reverie. Poe Dameron, Leia’s top pilot, was drunk, and now that she’d become closer to her bodyguard, Finn (Poe’s boyfriend), he clearly felt comfortable enough to ask her invasive questions.

_Ugh._

Not that she blamed him, not totally. Of course, she could see the disdain in his mind for Kylo Ren but also confusion. On the rare occasions he was in public, Ben was cold, tone short and clipped, even with her. Rey didn’t habitually dip into minds, but it didn’t take a Jedi to figure out those looks of pity, or condescension. They thought that she was brainwashed _still_ , that she didn't know any better. It didn’t bother her, not really, but tonight she did not feel like taking it.

_Because he killed Snoke for me. Because he turned away from everything he knew, for me. Because he suffers like you will never suffer. You can never understand._

Instead she deadpanned.

“Because his cock is massive.”

Poe choked. Actually choked, coughing up his drink so badly that Finn rushed over and gave him a hard hit to the back. Rey kept her face neutral, regarding him as the pilot looked at her with an expression of absolute shock. Then he laughed.

“I may have deserved that.” He spoke sheepishly.

“ _May_ have?” Rey raised an eyebrow.

“OK, I definitely deserved that.”

She smiled then, and the pilot relaxed.

“So, where is Captain Charisma anyway?”

“Chandrillia.” Rey told him.

“On account of that whole, ‘he’ll-get-arrested-if-he-steps-a-foot-on-Hosnian-Prime’ thing?”

Rey nodded. “Something like that.”

“Weird then that I saw him at the Princesses’ home the other night.” The pilot mused.

“That _is_ weird.” She shrugged.

“Not drinking?” Poe had another swig of his glass.

 Rey smiled mischievously.

“No.”


	7. Only a Mother (Reprise).

Leia watched indulgently as her grandson Ani screeched in glee as Han chased him around the cropped grass of their Naboo estate. Ben sat across the table from her, less to keep her company and more to police her sweet bowl, although when he thought she wasn’t looking she noted both he and his father tended to help themselves rather liberally. Leia sighed contentedly.

She loved these days.

_It’s nice to be the only grandparents_.

It was a terrible sentiment, and she was sure she could share if she _had_ to, yet nonetheless it was incredible to be able to lavish Ani with the love her own son was denied for so long. Almost like a second chance. For even now, living in the same house (or same estate) she was worried for Ben, seeing the moods take him even at the best of times, though she took some comfort in the fact that these dissipated, or at least receded, for the sake of his son.

“I want to fly! Grandad, make me fly!” Ani had his mother’s cheeky grin.

Han smirked. “Kid, I can barely catch you. No way I’m in good enough shape to lift up a heavy little boy!”

Her husband made a show of attempting to lift the small boy before turning it into a tickle fight, but Ani persisted.

“No, not like that. With the Force, like Daddy!”

Han gave her son a quizzical look. “That’s not how the Force works!”

Ben shrugged.

But Ani was nonplussed. “Daddy’s magic. Daddy can do anything, but he doesn’t because he prefers to spend time with _me_.” The boy bragged adorably.

“That so?” Han teased. “What about Mommy, Ani?”

The boy rolled his eyes dramatically. “Well, _somebody_ in this family has to work!”

He looked so much like Rey in that moment, from his expression to the pitch of his voice, and Leia saw even Ben give a small smile before Han whisked the boy off to the kitchens to whip themselves up a snack that she was sure Daddy would not tolerate were he present.

_Well, grandparents are meant to spoil their grandchildren._

When she glanced back at Ben though, he was preoccupied.

“Rey wants another child.” He blurted.

Leia schooled her emotions, surprised at this sudden confidence. She wanted to leap for joy but Ben’s desolate expression indicated to her that that was not a reaction he would welcome. Rey’s last pregnancy wasn’t easy on the girl, body weakened by so many years of neglect on Jakku. It had been most difficult on Ben though, his nerves strung out for the entire nine months, suffering daily panic attacks, guilty that he was the one being comforted by his wife when it should have been the other way around.

_And the delivery…_

“I can’t go through that again.”

The Princess shook her head, disagreeing. “You _could_ go through that again, Ben. I hope you wouldn’t have to, but I know you could.”

“ _How_ do you know. _How_? It’s only been a week since she _asked_ , and I’m already…” His hands trembled.

“–I know because even when she was in a coma, you cared for your son. Not us, _you._  You took him home, you fed him, you changed him, you bathed him.” She paused. “Kylo Ren would not have been able to do that.”

Kylo Ren lived for Rey and Rey alone.

“I don’t even remember…”

 “–Rey’s young and fit, and we will be much more aware this time.” She paused, picking her words carefully. “You both need to do what’s right for you, but you can’t make choices based off of fear alone… You’ll be paralysed.”

_You’ve spent too much of your life paralysed._

Ben flinched, before speaking. “I never thought– not _once_ , that I’d be a father. That someone like Rey– ” His voice broke.

Leia felt her heart wrench as Han and the little boy emerged, cookies in the former’s hands as the latter climbed on Ben’s lap, face inches from his.

“What’s wrong, Daddy?”

Leia’s skin prickled slightly, though she still was unsure whether it was the Force or simply that the child had inherited Han’s strange knack for empathy. Ben just smiled, lips pressing to his son’s forehead as the young boy cuddled him.

“Nothing, now that you’re here.”

Ani seemed satisfied with that, and, perhaps sensing an opening, pressed the advantage.

“Can I stay with Grandpa and Grandma tonight? I want to have dinner with them.”

Ben looked bemused. “Oh you do, do you? And what dessert did Grandpa promise you?”

The boy was silent for a second before he instantly capitulated.

“Ice cream, but only if I’m good!” Ani protested.

Ben smiled. “Well, I suppose that’s OK. But I think Mommy might drop by and say goodnight.”

Leia suspected Mommy might also drop by and have ice cream too, if the timing was right. Rey was not one to turn down food or family, and if these dinners didn’t affect her husband so, the Princess suspected they’d see her a lot more. Of course, it had been a victory just for Ben to allow his son out of his sight, to stay over, such was his fear of Snoke, even now.

“BB!!!”

Ani wormed off Ben lap to go chase BB-8, the unfortunate astromech having just poked his head out, likely to assess whether the boisterous child was gone.

Ben got up. “Rey will be back soon. I should head back.”

He gave both Leia and Han an awkward nod before striding after his son to say goodbye. She watched fondly as he crouched down to the boy’s level and spoke to his son, who nodded very solemnly. Ani watched his father mount his speeder and wave before running back to the settee.

“BB ran away!” Ani whined.

“He’ll do that.” Han agreed, eating a cookie. “’Specially if you open him up.”

“I just wanted to see what was inside!” The boy sighed.

Leia laughed, reminded of the plaintive tone Ben used to employ when similarly outed.

“Be careful with BB – I’m sure Daddy told you to be good.” She said lightly.

Ani shook his head. “No _. Mommy_ told me that. Daddy just told me he loved me and he’d see me tomorrow.”

Han caught Leia’s eyes.

“You talked to Mommy? Today?”

Ani nodded enthusiastically.

“What else did she say?” Leia asked, curious.

“Umm…” The boy looked up, recalling the memory. “She asked me to ask to stay, and then she said to go cuddle Daddy.”

Leia supposed she shouldn’t be surprised. She used to talk with Ben in this way too, but clearly Rey was more powerful than she had been at that time, to reach out over such long distances.

The little boy clamoured on her lap then, gestured at her to move her ear to his mouth so he could whisper a secret – a new trick Han had taught him several days ago that he apparently could not get enough of.

“ _Mommy also told me to ask Grandpa for ice cream, Grandma. But I would have asked anyway.”_ He whispered it like it was a scandalous revelation.

“You don’t say.” She smiled.

“Want to know another secret, Grandma?” Ani asked.

“Yes please.”

The little boy leaned in. _“I love you_.”

Leia beamed.

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this story.
> 
> Let me know.
> 
> \- tiny


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